im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
