Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Randomize
