he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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