"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Randomize
