Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
