Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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