Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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