I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Randomize
