I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
