omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
it's like iHOP with fire
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize
