i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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