I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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