Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
well I can't set my house on fire every night
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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