Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
