when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
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