ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
