Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
