I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
