so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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