We're like a lot better than the average bears
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Randomize