Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
