I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
