Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Every concussion has its silver lining
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
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