Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
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