Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Randomize
