I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
