And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
do nipples grow back?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
