Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
