Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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