You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
