He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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