From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
