There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
