In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize
