somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
