dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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