guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
