hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
