so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
