I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
My butt remains clenched, sir.
The adults are the big ones right?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize