So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
