I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
