how can u be prego again
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
