five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
