The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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