His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
