is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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