i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
