Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
