a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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