thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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