listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Dicks are not precious.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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