i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
