last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
