I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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