I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
