hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
