dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
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