Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
