Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
