The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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