i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
