Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize