Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
My penis needs a shock collar
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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