I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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