Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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