Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Randomize
