Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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