Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
third nipple confirmed
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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