My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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