Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
