dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Randomize
